Is everything too fast too furious? Somehow, I feel that the feelings not constant or getting better. Suddenly, it feels stagnant. And all the questions been coming to my head. No motivation to do many things in my life now and just feel like sleeping it off. But I can't... I need a source for my motivation. I need to feel love again by the right person but not random guys. I appreciate that I have a lot of loving friends around me, but I still want a partner in life. Sometimes it is just hard when this person has a mysterious life. I just do not understand and not sure if I am able to accept it in the long run. It is scary to have those on and off feeling again. I do not have the mood and strength to do things for others. The thought of buying things for your boyfriend, baking/cooking for him to eat, bringing him to special dates etc. are not in my mind now. I am still waiting... for this person to show me that he deserves all these.
I shouldn't be thinking of love now, but sometimes I just feel lonely... ... And hate it when the feeling is there one moment, yet is nothing the next moment. I do not want to be with someone when it is like that. That only shows I am still not ready and it is not fair towards him.
Help me! I need to focus in my studies... I need to study badly! I must complete my assignment and cannot fail for my exam! =(
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