It's just hard...

It's just hard...

I do not know if I want and I can commit to another serious relationship. I could like somebody easily, but to be in a relationship with this person, it seems hard for me to do it. After so many failed relationships, I have to think of many factors. I do not want anybody to be hurt. I need to think if both sides able to accept one another lifestyles. I have to think of financial issues. I have to think of family issues, whether this relationship to be announced or not yet. There will bound to be rules and restrictions and both parties must compromise to it. 

There are so many good guys in this world, but I do not know who to trust 100%. Now, I have doubts here and there. I am scared to put my heart into it. I am scared to make decisions and regret it. I do not want to waste anybody's time and effort. 

True enough that relationships will create memories and I can learn a lot from it. However, it is scary to me now and I do not know why. I do not know if staying single or being attached is better. I guess God is really testing me now. When I was attached, I am busy and have no time for boyfriend. Now, I am single yet I am kind of free and bored (and broke). 

I wish school can start asap so that I can put my mind on books instead. I keep telling I need to stay focus on what I want to achieve, but at the same time I cannot control feelings. If I like somebody, it will just happen. The fact is I am scared to commit. Maybe I should just list out the dream guy that I desire. I do not need all the requirements to be met. It is just a "dream" and may not come true. So here it goes...

Requirements to be my "Dream" guy:

1. Taller than me

This is for sure! If you are not taller than me, then you can just be my friend and not woo me. Because sometimes I do wear heels, I cannot be dating a shorter guy right? 

2. Older than me

If you are younger than me, means you might not be mature enough for me. I am not saying I am 100% matured, but well.. sorry (no younger guys unless you have a matured mindset)

3. Sense of humour

You must be able to make me laugh. Not all the times, and also at the right time. Guys with no sense of humour = boring.

4. Richer than me

I can say that I am very poor already. The fact that I have to study full-time, I do not have a stable salary. When I have temp. jobs, I work and money comes in. But very soon, this cash will go to food, transport and shopping

5. Romantic at times

I am not a romantic person, hence I do not wish for a 365days romantic boyfriend. But if this guy can be romantic at certain special occasions. I will be super touched and surprise because I do not have any romantic boyfriend yet.

6. Not a control freak

I need my freedom a lot because I feel that I am just your girlfriend, not your wife yet. If I am your fiancée, then I do not mind being controlled a little. I love to have my own privacy. I feel that when I want to share about my stuffs, I will say. No point asking and asking and asking... It will just get on the person's nerves.

7. Respect my family and friends 

I love them and trust them so no insults to them but just respect.

8. Able to accept who I am

I may be stubborn and individualistic but I do not wish to change too much unless it is for betterment. And you cannot expect me to change overnight. If you are able to accept who I am, I will be very grateful. I know everyone is not perfect, so if a change is needed for a better relationship, I will do it. 

9. Support me

Since young, I always think that I am like not totally part of the family because I am the 5th member. It is like my dad has my mum, vice-versa. My twin brothers have one another and I have none. I know I just got a sister but she is in another house and one day, she needs to be married off and cannot be there for me 24 hours. So the person I really need support is my boyfriend. 

10. Never cheat on me

If you cheat on me, you die! No matter how many sorry you say, I will not accept it. Even if you jump down the building, I do not care. Okay... A bit exaggerating but yup!

11. Never force me

If I say "No" means "NO"! Why force someone that you love to do something that she does not want to?

12. Able to cook and do housework

I am sucks in cooking and lazy to do housework. Maybe because I have maid all along but I know this is an excuse. If you are able to cook, omg! Plus plus points!!! If you can do housework, awesome! Means = no need to hire maid in future if we are getting married.

13. Pick me up after work/school

I do not need this to be done frequently but I like it if I can see you at the doorstep outside my workplace or school, waiting for me. I had a boyfriend before that I always go down to meet him after his work and he never do this to me before! (I did force him once! It is weird ah?)

14. Send me home after dates

If you can send the girl home before you reach home, means you care for her and wants to ensure your girlfriend's safety. I do not understand why sometimes a guy can get off the train and head home first just because the girlfriend is living further away. (One of my ex-boyfriend always do that though! Forget it, it is the past!) It is not our fault to choose where to stay what! You can just send me to my train station first then take the train back right?

15. Not Emo person

I cannot cannot cannot stand a boyfriend that is more emotional than me. If you are a crybaby, please do not be my boyfriend. Because I cannot feel the sense of security at all. However, if you cry for a reason and not always, then fine! I will be there for you :)

16. Know how to dress up

For goodness sake, you are a guy. You must know what kinds of clothings suit you and what kind of hairstyle looks good on you. You can get my opinions from me but if you do not know how to dress up for your age and do not have your own certain style of fashion, then start looking at mirror and ask why are you still single. 

17. Attention
If you are not able to provide the attention I need and got to leave me alone when I am around, you can just stay single. I am your girlfriend, so do not stick to your computer, iPhone or other gadgets so much. Or else, you can just marry them. If you are a gamer, then probably you should try to teach me what the game you are playing, so I can join in the fun. I am for sure not a gamer, but I do not mind trying new things. Or else, you could ask me to sit beside you and watch you to play rather than putting me aside right? If you want to watch a show, then ask me along. Moreover, what beats better than doing something with your girlfriend than doing it alone and leaving her aside? 

Alright, I think that's for it. I may hurt some guys' pride for writing all these but they are just my opinion. And when time passed, and I get older, my preference will change too. So I shall wait and see who will be my next dream guy. Maybe he is a 60 year old fat smelly poor guy? Or a 18 year old young nerdy school boy? Who knows? (hmm.... nahz!!!)