Alone

Ever since I am single, I feel so "Alone"... 

It feels like there is something missing in my life. My everyday happiness and sadness will always be shared with someone. He will be the first to know everything about things happening in my life. Now, I do not know who to turn to... I know there are friends around me. But to think about it, in future, one by one will have boyfriend/girlfriend. How much can they be there for you? I may be foolish to think of this at this age but I do not mind settling down now because the important person in my life initially was him. 

Because of him, my life has been affected really quite badly. Emotionally and physically affected. I will be spending most of my free time thinking of our happy memories and will then, lead to tears. Other than that, I will work and work in order to make myself as busy as possible. No matter how tired I am, if there is something to do at work, I will do. However, I neglected my studies and my assignments are not done, self-revision not done. And my packing of things for moving house not done.

I know there are more important things in life now. I understand. But sometimes, it is really hard because I am already been affected emotionally. Seriously, this is the the worst breakup. I have not cried so much for a guy for so long. I wish I can stop my tears but I just do not believe this is happening to me. No matter what, he is a really good person, a good boyfriend. He takes care of me, treats me really well and always there for me. At times, he will be busy with his things but he will actually feel bad.

Today supposed to be our 3rd Monthsary. Yes! We are only together for few months but have been dating for many months. Actually, it is not how long the relationship is but it is the quality of the relationship. We do not have much arguments throughout our dating plus relationship period. We often meet during weekends. 

But now, everything changed. I have stayed at home for 2 weekends. I do not know where to go when I am free. I have no one to fetch me from work anymore. I have many future plans with him yet unable to fulfill them. I need him, I want him back, but I can't. Because everything is not the same anymore. 

Today when I was walking along Bugis street, I saw this cute lil panda bag and Handphone cover. Immediately, I thought of him because he loves panda. I took pictures of them and wanted to send it to him but I can't... 

There are a lot of things that I cannot do now. I cannot call him "Dear" anymore. I cannot contact him as and when I want. I cannot confide with him my sadness and happiness to him. I cannot look for him. I miss him so much, yet everything cannot be done... I am suffering, I am depressed but there is no one who can help me except myself or him coming back to me (which I know is impossible unless he still care and love me).

I know I should start crying and move on. It is not easy! So please.. I know all my friends who know about it, care about me. Do not rush me! I am really trying hard but struggling at the same time. So please, give me time... 

Let's end of the post with slightly happy thing happened in my life. My previous spectacle's frame cracked and split open so I manage to make a new one - Miss Sixty!!! 

ps: Happy Monthsary and I still love you~